Slaying the Grip

"I've always wanted to be a teacher since I was a little girl. After my college experience I realized the extreme need of education, encouragement and hope in our youth. Specifically those between the junior high and high school ages."

Valarie had it all going on. Straight out of high school she was working full time while attending college to earn her teaching degree, on top of the position she held as a supervisor in housing on campus all four years. Her life was structured to the day and hour. Her family even dubbed her "D.P." at one point which stood for "Daily Planner."  Job secured. School in order. Spiritual life in check. The all American Christian girl living out her dreams with ease....Or so everyone thought at least. Her double edged sword of life was swiftly cutting her to pieces inside and the injuries were beginning to show themselves to the world. 

Why kids not young adults like yourself?

"In college is where I found my heart for youth. I got a real good taste of how "society" viewed life, the tolerance that it teaches young people and how it more or less brain washes kids and feeds them the idea that "self" is how you maintain. The "all about me" mentality. Everyone feels they need to "experience" everything first hand in order to gain the knowledge about life and what's best for them, if that makes sense? I knew that was not the life God intended for us. I wanted to teach kids to live a Godly life; not of the world, but I found myself joining the crowd. I was just doing it secretly"

Tell us a little of the back-story and what you think was the root of your need to maintain the perfect image.

"During my 8th grade year our family suffered a traumatic loss. My grandmother passed away in a tragic car accident. My whole life was altered from that point on. We moved a good distance away from family. I started a new school which meant all new friends. We even left our church which was really hard for me. I didn't have a say in the matter so I kind of felt like I was torn away from "my life" and I became pretty angry. I understand in hindsight why my parents made such drastic life changes as they were trying to cope with the sudden tragic events as well. Within that one year alone they lost a handful of family and friends all unexpectedly."

I remember when this all took place. That is a lot for someone your age at the time to understand and handle. So what effect did it have on your daily life?

"Well, I did my best to maintain my image as the perfect student and kept myself busy throughout high school. It was the end of my senior year when I lost my virginity that I think it all went downhill from there. The guilt and shame started to root itself. Emotionally for sure, I just didn't realize the physical toll it would take on me too. I went onto college carrying that load and then the bomb was dropped when my boyfriend of three years and I broke up. So my perfect image was disrupted. To cope with the stress I started to drink. Not regularly, but when I did, I binge drank to relieve the stress. The result of that was my hooking up with guys and partying. It was a way to release anger and frustration. Ya, it was partially to be rebellious but also to get away from the life of "high expectations" were held over me.  ...I was living a completely hidden life from my family and friends. Doing whatever I wanted while keeping up that fake front of the ever so perfect Valarie."

You made the comment earlier you cannot stand "fake people"...

" I CAN'T! I can't stand people claiming to be something they are not. People who talk one way but live another. You can't one day live for God, then the next promote a cause so far from the idea of the life He created for us. Hate, selfishness, pride, etc...I became resentful and angry at MYSELF for becoming the very type of person I despised."

Ouch. So how did that effect you?

"Right after high school I had started experiencing a pain in my right arm. As I continued through college and life it became very painful. Unbearable pain. None of the straight narcotics they were giving me for the pain were even helping. I finally broke down and asked my mom to take me back to the doctors to find out what was really going on. I was told I had three herniated discs in the back of my neck. I was told this is an injury usually caused by a serious car accident, but mine however was "stressed induced"...so they said. It was the worse case they (doctors) had ever seen brought on by "stress". I was literally carrying the weight of my stress, guilt and shame - it was crippling me physically and tearing me up emotionally inside. I knew at that point forgiveness would be the only cure. Forgiving my parents for any anger or resentment I had still been carrying and more so, forgive myself for all the dumb things I had done and WAS hiding for so long. The very moment I did that, the pain left...I "caught a healing" as my family would say.

Was this THE life changer for you?

"Partially. On a whim and out of my norm, I decided to join a group from our church that was headed to Detroit, MI for an outreach event. This was very out of my comfort zone. Long story short, two days before the event we were handing out flyers outside a local store to advertise the event. I had handed one to a lady and her daughter who looked about my age. They smiled and walked away. I didn't think anything past that. On the last night of the BIG event, an alter call was taking place and I asked God to tell me where to stand. In a clear shot right in front of me stood the mom and daughter accepting the Lord at the back of the crowd. Yes, I was balling."

How awesome is that!?! Were you able to speak with them?

"Oh yes, I walked up and prayed with them. I handed them a card to fill out so we could get their info to keep them up to date on future events.THAT was the eye opener for me. As I watched everyone handing in their cards I noticed the girl was just staring at the blank card. I realized she could not read or write. She was about my age, 21-22 years old. I had never personally experienced seeing someone struggle with basic life skills, you hear about it, but until you see it, it just changes things and that was NOT okay with me. Obviously it's why God has given me the heart to teach. Everyone deserves not just basic education, but life skills."

What do you plan to do with this calling?

I'm doing it now. I was amazingly blessed to get my first PAID teaching job as a high school Math teacher just 4 months after graduating college! Talk about favor. It's in somewhat of a rougher area. Ya, I hear and have been called any name you can think of. But my immediate plan is to stay here as long as God wants me to be here. I want to impact as many students as possible with POSITIVE encouragement. You'd be surprised how often that is not used anymore with kids in schools. I want my students to leave my classroom encouraged, knowing that they ARE important and they WILL and CAN make a difference! I know this is where I need to be for "right now." Future wise, I would love to be in a leadership position or program where I am able to work with and teach basic life skills to youth and mentor those who may be lacking in the area of parental guidance or positive influences around them.

What would you say to another young girl who may be living the double life you once did?

There is NOTHING you can do that would ever make God stop loving you. No matter what I did, no matter how dirty I felt, used by the guy who didn't really love me, guilt for dishonoring my parents... there was nothing that ever stopped God from loving me. You are not alone. He loves YOU no matter what! I'm currently going through the School of Ministry program at my church and by sharing my story and hearing other peoples stories I'm learning there are people with far more dirt then myself who are living amazing changed lives. You can too. I'm no longer afraid to tell people WHO I am and WHERE I came from. Sharing my story has been the biggest part of my healing. Using my story to reach and impact the youth is my calling. I was not meant to hide behind my past. I was meant to be boldly on the front line leading... I was called to be His Warrior!